Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
