Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
