I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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