Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
