i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want her autograph on my taint
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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