I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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