he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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