I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize