we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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