The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
