I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
