Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
