the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
