there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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