Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
