I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just high enough for therapy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
