i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
