I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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