My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
