He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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