you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
