They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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