I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
