So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
