How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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