i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
