"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
