at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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