i think i have two assholes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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