No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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