Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
