Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
