What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
