every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
