There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize