She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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