quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
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