Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
