I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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