I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
