btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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