he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
