I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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