no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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