Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
