When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
