the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I understand Curling. That high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
