are you so shy because you have an std?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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