My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
