her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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