I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
