I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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