two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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