ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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