I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
