No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
