I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
