Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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