after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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