he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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