I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
