my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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