just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize