the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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