Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
