I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
