Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
