I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
