this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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