is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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