Screwed.edu
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
