She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
