i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
