um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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