I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
