if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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