so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
